Have you ever noticed a scene or a saying that triggers your thinking process and later on you kind of figure out why you are the way that you are.  For me, it was a familiar saying  from my childhood. I grew up with Confucianist ideas from Southern Vietnam. Eventually I decided to venture out, I worked as a dishwasher in Europe, an assistant then chose the US. I then decided to learn English again from community college and decided to be an essayist.

 

So here I am visiting my family in Sai Gon after missing a few Tết (Vietnamese New Year) away from home. I felt excited to see my family, especially my new, 6-year-old nephew. However, something that struck me was whenever he cries, the adults would tell him to “man up” or “boys don’t cry.” My body felt iffy when I heard those words but only by putting conscious power to realize that it is another way of telling children to shut up. Isn't that helpful? We were conditioned to show no pain because it is a sign of weakness. That denial of pain affects your mental health and builds a restrictive society where people can’t share their pains. Behind the facade, we feel angry and self- loathing, masking up to look like a “normal” human being. But I think that the No Pain Culture is universal and it hurts everyone.

 

The first step to lessen the impact of pain is to acknowledge the pain, whether mentally or physically. Even if your environment doesn’t allow you to show pain, you can be present with your pain. Being present is not constantly trying to fix or fight the pain. Everyone deserves freedom from pain but the process allows you to feel the emotions and discomfort that comes with pain. By sitting with it, you can increase your self-awareness and reduce the stress that comes with it. (please call 911 if you’re in danger!). There have been times when I wanted my body to come to a complete still but then it was a lot of thinking about the pain. Thinking about the things that went wrong, the unfortunate of yourself and when you are trapped in your narrative, the pain can get worse because you are adding fuel to the fire. Now, I allowed myself to acknowledge pains even whether societies allow it or don't allow it. I am learning to let myself feel more things. Written by Auntie Nhã